A elegy for those dead to me
by EvilChibi
Summary: Sasuke is the local god. Loved by one and all. Except Naruto. Orosasu in chapter 2 as well as references to kakasasu
1. A portait of the damned

**Prologue**

**A portrait of the damned through the devil's perspective.**

I don't own Naruto. Plain and simple.

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The Portrait-

It was the eyes that got me. They were so angry. So passionately hateful towards the world. The exact opposite of his icy demeanor. They were captivating.

He wasn't handsome. He was pretty – borderline beautiful. Out in the elements he was ethereal. Blue-black hair, dark eyes framed by thick lashes. Pale skin that made the scars on his wrists stand out even more. The scars that no one notices, or rather, no one wanted to notice.

People didn't want their image of perfection to shatter. There were cracks there before I came into the picture. They made excuses for him. Molded him into their view of perfection. Lifted him onto the pedestal and worshiped him as a god.

He was a rebellious child in a sense. The crowd were the parents that wanted him to try hard. Fall in love with a nice girl. Settle down and marry then have two and a half kids. All with a cushy job to fall back on. He did everything he could not to reach their standards. It was still all about him.

Everything he did wrong. Every time he stepped off the pedestal. Tripped and fell to the crowd's feet. They stood him up and brushed him off. Sitting him back on his big gilt throne, carved by his own achievements.

He got attention up there, like fine art in a museum. Everyone tried to understand him in a way that suited their tastes.

Coveted. Adored. Worshiped. A false idol for Sunday church go-ers.

All the dust brushed off him was swept under the rug in his palace of bullshit. That rug was rather bulky, anyone who wanted to see it could realize that the shit was going to hit the fan. When that happened he was going to run while his jailers ducked for cover.

The pandemonium wasn't going to make it easy. Most paths would be difficult to follow. The chaos would subside before he made it to the doors of his gilded cell. If he got caught nothing would change except the rug.

He got attention up there, sitting alone, above everyone else. But he never got noticed. Sometimes I wonder who had it worse.

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The Devil's speaks-

I suppose life, no matter what you do with it, should at the end of the day be something you can say "I did that. I'm proud of it!"

Life for me… I don't know. I think I'm proud of parts of it. But for the most, I don't think anyone would be proud of it. I know I'm not.

I think maybe I'll explain. You see it's like this.

I started out fine, it'd be presumptuous to say perfect, but I think I was maybe pretty close. People where attracted to me for all the right reasons. I can't pinpoint one exact spot in time and say that's where it all went wrong, it was a kind of gradual thing. Like a temple crumbling. Heh! Temple. My body is anything but now. Even though I regret my choices, or maybe it's because I regret my choices, I remember it all perfectly. I remember them perfectly. I remember him perfectly. I wish I couldn't.

Five am. The numbers are just sitting there. Flashing its red gaze out towards me. Mocking me. I should be asleep. But I'm not. I'm sitting here finishing the homework due in next week. I'll sleep later. I'll have time later.

Eight am. I think I fell asleep. I have to get ready for school now. I can do so much with my hair, but then I'd look more effeminate than the girls I know. So it gets spiked up. At the back. Just the back. Uniform on, uniform breakfast and then I'm out the door.

Finding a clique comes easy to me. I meet people. I make an impression on people. My family is well off. I'm well off. My friends are well off. I wish we weren't. School comes easy to me as well. My parents made sure of it. I can't be otherwise. It's just not allowed. And apparently I don't want to either.

I had to lie on my vocational aptitude test. I had to pretend to care. No one knows this. They aren't allowed to.

I'm sacrificing me to myself. I won't last much longer, but I'll live forever. Immortal. Watching everyone I love die. I don't have anyone to watch.

One pm. Surrounded. Talking. Laughing. But I don't care. I can't bring myself to care. I think I'm lonely. It doesn't make sense. I don't want for company. I need to get away. You wouldn't understand. I can't tell you why. No one is allowed to know.

I'm at the toilets. I saw him today. You don't get it. I knew you wouldn't. I'm sitting here, surrounded by everything that I am. Everything that I shouldn't be. I know I shouldn't.

I'm back out in the rat race. Like a rat in a maze. My life. I can't seem to find the cheese at the finish. I'm avoiding him. I don't want to see him today. I can't face him today. He scares me. But he pisses off my brother. I think that's why I associate with him. He still scares me though.

The car. Home. Unnecessary extravagance. It would be beautiful if it weren't so hideous. It's my family to a 't'. Hideously beautiful. I can't stand it. I live it. I hate it. I want to fire all the staff and ruin the place. Make them deal with the mess. Make them notice the mess. Make them notice me.

Why don't they notice me?


	2. A pantomime of a life

**Chapter 1**

**A pantomime of a life**

Clubbing despite the fact that He's here. Clubbing despite the fact that I have school tomorrow. Clubbing so that it can all be forgotten. So I can forget everything. The kaleidoscopic patterns the dancers form with the flashing lights. The throbbing bass boost that you can feel in your bones. It's there. It's real. I can feel it. I can feel.

Sasuke snickers to himself as he stumbles, "Knew I shouldn't have left my drink at the table. He's such a fucking med student."

Sasuke stumbles again, only to be righted by his companion. Ignoring the tongue at his ear he spits out, "I hate your student".

Hot on his ear with drawn out a drawn out 's' comes the reply, "You hate yourself?"

Sasuke moved out of the embrace and stumbled again. Righting himself, he replies.

"Of course, I wouldn't be here if I didn't," a derisive snort and then he continues, "but I was actually talking about your student from your class. Fucking Kabuto. Slips god knows what into my drink and now I feel like flying. I can't be broody if I feel like flying"

"You're slurring Sasuke-kun. Disgracing your family almost," the tongue flicks back out and traces the hollow of Sasuke's ear, "What would your brother think?"

"I don't care what he thinks! Besides, it's too loud here, he probably can't think!" Reiterating on his point by having to lean in close to the mans ear to be heard. Followed by a sullen pout at the necessity of such action.

The older man moves to tug on Sasuke's lip with his teeth before moving back up to his ear.

"Should I tell Kabuto that we're leaving then?"

Ignoring the protests he signals to the said man. (Who was not really a man so much as he was simply older than Sasuke.)

"I don't know how long you have, but tonight it is MDMA and PT-141."

"Thank you for your help Kabuto-kun, but be careful speaking so freely of things around him. Drugged or not."

"I apologise Orochimaru-sama. I shall see you tomorrow"

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On the way out to Orochimaru's car they pass by the group at the front of the waiting line.

"Wasn't that…?"

"Geez, again?"

"Sasuke-kun's so cool!"

"What the hell woman?"

The blonde and the pink haired girls both rounded on the boy wearing the hooded jacket.

"Sasuke-kun can get into a club with no trouble-!"

"-And he can drink underage-!"

"-And he looks so sweet all drunk like that-!"

A blond boy interrupted, "I dunno, he looked kinda horny to me…"

Amidst the laughter rang out shouts of 'shut up!' and 'how the hell would you know!'

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The feeling of the leather against his mostly bared torso was a welcome alteration to the still night air.

Pulling out of the parking spot Orochimaru slid a hand across to Sasuke's lap.

"Feeling good Sasuke-kun?"

His answer was a drawn out moan. Silence reigned in the car broken only by smalls gasps and moans. A muffled yell and Orochimaru wiped his hand on Sasuke's pants.

Sasuke moved to turn to the driver but settled for just looking, "what did he give me?"

"Ecstasy."

"Bullshit! It - " a hiss broke off his sentence as his pants rubbed uncomfortably, " - it doesn't do all this!"

"Methylenedioxymethamphetaminea synthetic entactogen of the phenethylamine family. Primary effect is the stimulation of secretion as well as inhibition of re-uptake of large amounts of serotonin as well as dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, inducing a general sense of openness, empathy, energy, euphoria, and well-being. Tactile sensations are enhanced for some users, making general physical contact with others more pleasurable."

"Fuck you. Where are we going?"

"My house."

Silence reigned again, this time without reprieve.

"Isn't it interesting though?"

"Be quiet, I'm trying not to think of you."

"Of course you aren't."

Silence descended once again. Only to be broken by an explosive sigh.

"Fine! What's so interesting?"

"Ecstasy. Drugs. How you've never had any medical training but through your experiences you know I was lying to you. Ecstasy is not an aphrodisiac. Or was it simply you did not understand what it was I was saying?"

"Go to hell. How do you explain my hard on then?"

"Your own doing, I assure you."

"Bullshit! Who'd get it up for you! Other than Kabuto. That freak doesn't count."

"One could be forgiven if they said that you do. With such undeniable evidence…"

"…Fuck you."

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The ringing of the phone started Kakashi out of slumber. After a brief fumble for the handset he mumbled sleepily, "Sasuke, if you woke me up at," a brief glance at the time, "1 am for a booty call I swear I'll fail your next paper."

"Come get me." Sasuke demanded.

"Geez kid, can't you take a cab like a normal person."

"If you're not going to pick me up that's fine. I'll walk or something."

A sigh. "Fine. Where are you?"

"Setagaya."

"Setagaya? Orochimaru lives in that district!"

"So?"

"So what the hell are you doing there?"

"…Nothing."

"Sasuke."

"…I don't want to."

"Well I don't want to pick you up!"

"Just do it. I'm near Chofu."

"All that way? I still think you should take a train home."

"I don't care what you think. Besides you're closer."

"I demand that we sleep when we get back though. Nothing happens until morning."

"I'm not calling you for sex. If I was calling you for sex I would have said 'Kakashi I want sex'."

"…Just for that I'm taking my sweet time."

"You do anyway. Detour through Shinjuku and I'll kick you."

Kakashi was left with a dial tone.

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AN.

In reference to the drugs mentioned (and used), MDMA is more commonly known as ecstasy.

PT-141 is Bremelanotide is a synthetic aphrodisiac. Unlike Viagra and other related medications, it does not act upon the vascular system, but directly increases sexual desire. Bremelanotide is a spray introduced nasally.

If Orochimaru was wearing it (Don't know if you're allowed to) Sasuke would have inhaled at least some considering how close he was to Orochimaru.

Setagaya, Chofu-shi and Shinjuku are all districts of Tokyo.


End file.
